Q: Can couples really make lasting changes in their relationship, even after 10-20 years?
Marla: Absolutely! Changing small, everyday thoughts and interactions have a massive impact on the relationship. And when both partners are actively working on making those shifts together the changes happen quickly. The degree of change is, of course, dependent on the commitment of each individual to change as well as the expertise of the guide. I love helping couples uncover their unconscious patterns, making it clear how those patterns are impacting their relationship, and providing a step by step path to experience what they always knew was possible.
Q: “How did you get into being a relationship and sex coach for couples?”
M: Back in 1994, I completed trainings to become a doula helping women through labor, delivery and post partum. I was invited into the most intimate time in a woman’s life, giving birth. It was incredible and scary and completely unknown. And during that time, I witnessed, coached and became acutely aware of the dynamics of relationship and family. Often couples revealed with me privately what they didn’t share with their partner. My problem solving nature could bridge the communication gap to create more connection for the couple. I was hooked! I could see how effective communication in a loving way, would building intimacy allowing the couple to refresh and renew their love and commitment.
Q: How is your background in mathematics and neuroscience relevant to your coaching now?
M: I love this question! To me it is about curiosity, our ever-changing life and pattern recognition. I discovered mathematics and neuroscience back in 2001 and have been in love ever since. I studied an obscure branch of mathematics called Knot Theory. And it grabbed my attention. It was all about tying and untying knots. And of course mathematics in general is about uncovering patterns. So put those together along with inner city kids, families of all races and structures in Los Angeles Unified School District, and you have the perfect ingredients for discovering the intricacies of human dynamics, thoughts, emotional responses and motivation. It was thrilling to be of service while learning so much about how our patterns get rooted from such a young age. Fast forward to today, pattern recognition is a huge part of my coaching. Helping couples uncover their unconscious patterns as well as the “knots” they’ve tied over the years. And of course, how to untie those knots and use their patterns as a way of connecting.